Disconnect to Reconnect

Disconnect from the world and reconnect with yourself. This has quickly become my most important self-care habit. Five minutes every day or a long weekend every two months. I am a better me. I can give more of myself to the projects I love, and even more to others. Less stress, more energy, kinder, calmer. There are so many things I notice. 

As someone with anxiety, I realize it’s not the best choice to live in Los Angeles. But, this is the place where I can best learn how to be better at all the things I love. However, I am grateful to LA, because the insistent drive and constant churning of this city has taught me to be more in tune to my own needs. If not for LA whispering in my ear every day, I don’t know how long it would have taken me to learn. You should do more, you haven’t done enough, you will never have what you want. Until I can barely leave the house. Okay, so it's actually me saying those things, and not LA. But, here, they seem so much louder. 

The truth is that I am not a machine. I am a person. I am enough every day, because I intend to be enough.

This is where meditation comes into my life. I have tried deep breathing with meditation for anxiety, and it generally hasn’t worked for me. The idea of breathing in silence, avoiding any thought, is daunting to me. Recently, I took a class at my work called Healing Touch, which is a heart-centered, energy therapy. It teaches techniques to clear, energize, and balance our human and environmental energy fields. Through the class, meditating became easier and actually helpful, because now I was focusing on positive energy. I told myself that I intended to be good and do good today. And that no matter what happened, it was enough. I was enough. Even just one minute with these positive thoughts would change my day. 

So, I take it even further than a few minutes a day. Every few months, I make myself leave the city and do nothing. Here, I am in Big Bear, surrounded by trees and quiet mountains. I don't have much with me, just food and my family. I am reading for literally two days, and doing little else. Looking out the window, taking a walk, reading, writing a poem. Before leaving the city, I felt my restless energy building inside me, like a pot of boiling water about to spill over. Now, I only feel peace and a soft buzz of excitement. I am excited to get back to the things that I love, knowing that my mental health is always my main priority.